Is Sex Before Marriage Ok?
Is it ok for me to have sex with my boyfriend?
Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? Proverbs 5:20-21 (NIV)
“Is it ok for me to have sex with my boyfriend, if we really love each other.”
“Certainly it is ok to have sex with your boyfriend? Go for it! God desires to give you what is best!” I said to a crowd of college students.
After they had recovered from a street preacher answering their question like that, they looked rather puzzled.
“You all look puzzled,” I replied.
“Well, yes, Phil we are!”
“Tell me why.”
“Your response is not what we thought we would get from a Bible preacher.”
“Why is that? Is it because you think God is against sex?”
“Well. (A long uneasy pause) It is just that God and sex just don’t seem to go together.”
“I see. Let me explain myself. First of all, how many of you know the first commandment God gave to Adam and Eve? To be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. Now if the earth had only Adam and Eve living at the beginning, and they were commanded by God to be fruitful and multiply, what would they have to do quite a lot of in order to obey that command?”
The students replied, “They would have to have lots of sex.” (Laughter breaks out in the crowd.)
“I am glad you have at least studied your multiplication tables. (More laughter) Now who was it that created Adam and Eve and gave them this command?”
“God!”
“Right! So what do we learn at the very beginning about God and sex? We learn that God has designed us so that when we set our hearts on following his commands we find our greatest pleasure fulfilled. Psalms 16:11 says, “You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
‘God is the one who created sex. He is the one who commanded us to reproduce and fill the earth. He is the one who designed our bodies so that they would respond to touch and experience great pleasure.’
“Now that you are listening, I need to define my terms for you. You heard me say that it is ok to have sex with your boyfriend because God desires your best, so go for it. Now let me define what I mean by boyfriend. A boyfriend is the one who has demonstrated his commitment to you by waiting until he marries you for the pleasure of sex.”
The Bible says the man and his wife were naked and felt no shame. Notice it says man and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend. God has reserved the pleasures of sex for the enjoyment of husband and wife as they work together to fulfill God’s command to fill the earth. Why is this so? Because God says that he desires godly children. (consult Malachi 2:13-16) You cannot raise godly children apart from a loving committed unconditional relationship.
Sex as God intends it is far more than the physical act of intercourse; it carries with it all the responsibilities of childrearing, parenting, providing, protecting, etc. You are not ready for sex until you are willing to be responsible for the children that your sexual expression produces. And you cannot be responsible until you are fully, legally committed to love each other for the rest of your life, so that the children you raise will grow up in a godly, loving home.
Now, if you want to have the best sexual experience in life, I suggest you commit your life to Christ and follow His commands and ask Him to lead you to the person He has hand picked for you that will be your match in every way.
Small Group Discussion Questions:
What struggles do you have in the area of sexual purity?
What do you need to do in order to prepare to be a godly husband or wife right now?
What other questions concerning sex and the Bible would you like to study?
For further study consult Dr. Tommy Nelson’s Video series on the Song of Solomon.